Theologian Pick-up Lines Twitter Bonanza!
By way of context, earlier today there was a hashtag going around for #CalvinistPickupLines and...well...let's just say that things got a little out of hand. I give you some of my favorite tweets as they emerged. Of course, I'll take credit for starting it - at least among my tweeps - with the following:
I chatted you up because I foreknew that you would want me to.#Calvinistpickuplines #AmIDoingItRight?
— W. Travis McMaken (@WTravisMcMaken) September 8, 2016
Unfortunately, yours truly was called away on serious professorial / theological business and, in the absence of my mature and stately influence, things really started to break loose...
@SarahTaras @WTravisMcMaken “So you down to get totally depraved tonight or what? HMU.” #calvinistpickuplines
— Zak McIntyre (@zakmcintyre) September 8, 2016
@WTravisMcMaken I knew a guy named Will in seminary, who was a 5 point Calvinist, he would routinely tell ladies he was God's will for them.
— garet (@garetrobinson) September 8, 2016
@zakmcintyre @WTravisMcMaken "I dunno, can your saint persevere?" #responsestocalvinistpickuplines
— Sarah Taras (@SarahTaras) September 8, 2016
@WTravisMcMaken "It looks like you've been suffering under the law of loneliness. Let me be your gospel." #lutheranpickuplinesdontwork
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@dwcongdon @WTravisMcMaken "I believe this party has a hot tub and Id love to help you remember your baptism."
— Sarah Taras (@SarahTaras) September 8, 2016
@SarahTaras @WTravisMcMaken "I've been searching for Christian perfection and now I've found it." #Wesleyanpickuplines
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@SarahTaras @dwcongdon @WTravisMcMaken "Let me help you out of that...sham existence..." #JungelStrikesOut
— lauren r.e. larkin (@laurenrelarkin) September 8, 2016
@laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras @WTravisMcMaken "I think your being should be in becoming with me." #Jüngelwins
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@WTravisMcMaken @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras "You're the reason I asked God not to give me chastity just yet." #Augustinepickuplines
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@WTravisMcMaken @dwcongdon There was a time when we were not...together. Let's fix that. #NestorianPickupLines
— James E. Walters (@jedwardwalters) September 8, 2016
Now, lest that one leave you scratching your heads, very well theologically educated gentle readers, this followed in due course:
@WTravisMcMaken @dwcongdon Just realized I meant Arius, not Nestorius. Huge fail by the ancient Christianity guy.
— James E. Walters (@jedwardwalters) September 8, 2016
Anyway, back to the bedlam...
@jedwardwalters @WTravisMcMaken "There was never a time when my love for you was not." #NicenePickupLines
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@WTravisMcMaken @dwcongdon I can't imagine our relationship not existing. #AnselmPickupLines #OntologicalArgument
— James E. Walters (@jedwardwalters) September 8, 2016
@laurenrelarkin @WTravisMcMaken @SarahTaras "You compel me to make an existential decision: I choose you." #BultmannPickupLines
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@dwcongdon @WTravisMcMaken @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras If only I'd met you before I...never mind. #OrigenPickupLines
— James E. Walters (@jedwardwalters) September 8, 2016
@laurenrelarkin @WTravisMcMaken @SarahTaras "I want to love you in freedom." #BarthPickupLines
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@dwcongdon @WTravisMcMaken @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras Let's take this prosopic union and make it hypostatic. #ChalcedonianPickupLines
— James E. Walters (@jedwardwalters) September 8, 2016
@jedwardwalters @WTravisMcMaken @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras "My wills are aligned towards you." #MaximusPickupLines
— David W. Congdon (@dwcongdon) September 8, 2016
@dwcongdon @jedwardwalters @WTravisMcMaken @SarahTaras "Now that there aren't any demands, let me show you all the ways I love you" Luther
— lauren r.e. larkin (@laurenrelarkin) September 8, 2016
@dwcongdon @WTravisMcMaken @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras "I'd almost dance for you." #baptistpickuplines
— Jordan Andlovec (@likeacannon) September 8, 2016
@dwcongdon @WTravisMcMaken @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras "you like TULIP, I like TULIP, let's put our two lips together" #Calvinistpickuplines
— Jordan Andlovec (@likeacannon) September 8, 2016
Of course, when I finally returned to the interwebs later, I had to cap things off with an imagining of what Thomas might use as a pick-up line:
@dwcongdon @jedwardwalters @laurenrelarkin @SarahTaras "It seems like we're not a match. For you have said, 'Buzz off!' But I say..."
— W. Travis McMaken (@WTravisMcMaken) September 9, 2016
And there you have it. I trust that this has been...ahem...educational. Coincidentally, you would do well to follow all these folks on Twitter if you don't already.
Now back to our regularly scheduled DET programming!
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